\\ THE WAY I SEE IT //

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2011-08-11T20:45:00.001-04:00

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Life Lessons and Mom

2011-06-04T12:40:00.008-04:00

From Emma x

When it comes to my personal radars, I think I was born with faulty hardware.

My Gay-dar? useless. Two girls making out? Attention seeking. Two guys making out? Really good friends.

Preggo-dar? useless. I usually can tell around the 9 month stage. Even then I'm more easily persuaded to think that some women like to run around with basketballs under their shirts than be pregnant.

Into-me-dar? Non-existant. Even with a tongue down my throat I'm inclined to think "oh, this is friendly."

When it comes to signals from the opposite sex I am clueless.

Fig. 1

So my Mother felt it was time for a life lesson while we were eating out at lunch. The nice [male] waiter comes up and comments, "You have a band aid, with a frowny face. Oh no, what happened?" Now I assume that when waiters are talkative they're working for tips, which is what I assumed at this moment. So I stumbled through an explanation about a cut that is conveniently located on my neck [in ideal hickey territory.] See Figure 1.

Well, after taking our orders, I look at my mother who straightens and starts in this tone that means whatever she is saying is about to be an important life lesson.

Mom: "You know why he commented on your band-aid, right?"

Me: "Err... because it's neon pink and a little hard to miss?"

Mom: "No, because he thinks you're cute. You need to learn these things, they are very important in your life now. I really want you to start working on this."

Her tone was truly concerned, like my general lack of perception was a serious handicap and we need to have an intervention about it. I was half expecting my friends to come out of some alcove and to sit down next to me and hold my hand.

I didn't really have much to say after that. I guess I need to buy more pink band-aids.

How Catherine & Emma met

2011-06-04T12:39:00.001-04:00

I think it's best to elaborate on how this space of the internet came to be occupied by the two trashy expats, Catherine & Emma.

Catherine hails from California and Emma from Pennsylvania. These two folk heroes decided to pick up and move to the magical land of London.

Not London, Ohio.

Wow, imagine being from London in OHIO? When people ask where you're from you can respond, "I'm from London," and you will see that magical spark of excitement in their eyes since they think you're one of the etherial BRITISH peoples from across the ocean. Then you crush their dreams by responding, "London, Ohio, that is." You watch that small spark die down to a black hole that is devoid of any emotion. I bet everyone in London, Ohio are creatures who revel in their masosadism.

So yes, we're talking London, as in the United Kingdom.

After crushing the dreams of their respective parents by going to art school, Catherine & Emma started their slow spirals into non-contributing members of society by taking a summer art course. So it all began with life drawing.

That's right. While attempting to retain some form of composure and not giggle like ten year olds, they composed beautiful renderings of naked people. This was where their initial bond formed over a short vocabulary lesson. While spying the naked man in the room out of the corner of their eyes, the two americans in the room were startled when their teacher asked the class a simple question.

"Do you all have your rubbers?"

Now, for those of you who don't know, to an American, and perhaps other nationalities, the word "rubber" is associated with a condom. If you ask for a rubber, you're asking an American for a condom, but you're asking a British person for an eraser. Makes sense; art school, naked people, rubbers... or condoms. Both makes sense!

So the look of alarmed horror is what united these two. The horrific images and ideas swirling in the minds of these miscreants painted a colorful picture of potential horrific adventures. This was supposed to be art school, no?

And so it continues from there. Here are some stories about the shit Miss Catherine and Miss Emma get themselves into all over the world.

A recent photographic afternoon

2011-04-28T03:03:00.000-04:00

So I did a recent photography session with a friend and here are some of the pictures that came of it!

Diamond!

2011-04-11T00:11:00.000-04:00

host5

2011-03-28T06:07:00.001-04:00